Sudanese TeddyGate Follow-Up

Good to see a few moderate Islamic blogs expressing their disgust at the TeddyGate affair. Emirati and The Sudanese Thinker are a couple of welcome Muslim voices who recognise the damage this does to the worldwide image of their religion. Well done guys!

Update: 29-11-07
She has been sentenced to 15 days in jail followed by deportation. This has to be one of the sickest stories I have ever heard. Shame on the Sudanese Government and Islamist extremists everywhere. [Sound of puking offstage].

Sudanese Muslim Offence Level: Rising

The New York Times reports that a British junior school teacher is in jail in Khartoum. Her crime? Offending the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH). It's not reported whether the Prophet has been in touch with anyone to explain about his offendedness, but you know what these Gods and Prophets are like. They never call. They're not even on Facebook.

What actually happened was that the teacher brought a teddy bear into class for a project with the seven-year-old kids. First job: name the bear. 20 out of 23 kids chose Muhammed from a list of eight names.

I don't get this. Really I don't. Why is it considered offensive to give this name to a warm, cuddly toy that kids of all ages love? Is it projecting the wrong image of the Prophet? Would it be ok to name a ferocious warrior toy after Him? And why is it ok for many thousands of men, some of whom have IQs appoaching zero, to be named after him? How is an educated non-Muslim supposed to know what the rules are (answer to last question: you're not - the rules are made up as we go along). And why is everyone assuming that the bear is named after the Prophet - I believe the caretaker at that school is called Muhammed and everyone really likes him.

Once more, Islamic hardliners are making their religion look ridiculous. How sad.

The Louvre in Abu Dhabi

A few months ago it was announced that The Louvre, Paris, France, was going to open a branch at Saadiyat Island, Abu Dhabi. The Guggenheim chain of Art supermarkets will also be opening a branch on Saadiyat. Yesterday Sheikh Khalifa, President of the UAE, had a meeting with Renaud Donnedieu de Vabres, French Minister of Culture to talk about the Louvre project.

Picture the scene, a few years hence: the Museum is finished (and it looks like a very interesting building, by the way). The first consignment of paintings and sculptures has arrived at Mina Zayed. Crates are being opened and examined by Customs Officers (CO) in the presence of a Museum Official (MO).

CO: What's this? Looks like a constipated weasel...

MO: Eet ees La Gioconda, ze most purrfect painting everr made!

CO (on phone to imam): Imam? Look, having a problem here, some geezer from the Louvre wants to bring in a painting of a lady...

IMAM: Has she got her kit on?

CO: Yes, but, she's uglee.

IMAM: Hmm. Figurative art. Not allowed mate. Chuck it in the sea.

Splash. Next.

CO: By crikey, that's a big crate, what's in it?

MO: (gulp) Le Venus de Milo. Ees a two-zousand-year-old statue.

CO: Statue? Of a person?

The crate is opened

CO: Hell's teeth, looks at those Charlies! Ermmm, where's her arms?

MO: Eet was discovered in 1820, dug up from under ze ground. Zey could not find zee arms or zee plinth.

CO: (on the phone again) Imam? Me again. Look, this geezer's got a statue of a neckid woman.

IMAM: I'm coming...

CO: But listen, she ain't got no arms!

IMAM: Yeww. Chuck it in the sea.

Splash. Next.

CO: What a small box! What's in it?

MO: Ze Regent Diamond. Eez 140 carrots.

CO: I'll take care of that, shukran.

MO: !

CO: Next!

MO: Ah! Ze Frieze of Archers, from Persia, 522 AD

CO: Figurative! Sea! Next! (pause) Ah, this is a huge box, what's in it?

MO: A wardrobe

CO: Oh, right, that should be ok! (crate is opened, CO observes human figures portrayed on doors). Bugger.

Splash.

MO: Right, you cannot object to ziss. Eet ees a metal basin from 1320, made by an Arab called Mohammed ibn Al-Zain! Surely ziss iss fine?

CO: Lemme see...looks like a procession of Emirs decorating the sides there.

Splash.

And so on. The Louvre is packed solid with figurative art, it's what they do. How does Abu Dhabi plan to square the circle? Islam prohibits figurative art because it might encourage idolatry (yeah, right, I'm gonna worship a wardrobe). It is also robustly opposed to the idea of depicting people in their natural state. If this move by the Abu Dhabi Gubment is meant to presage some kind of shift in policy then that is seriously good news. Otherwise the Louvre in Abu Dhabi is a non-starter.

Curators at the Louvre are none too pleased about this either.