Thursday, August 25, 2005

Lazy Blog

BetterArf gave me a bit of paper with some alleged answers to questions in American school science exams. Here are the best ones:
  • When you breath, you inspire. When you don't breath, you expire.
  • The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
  • A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
  • When you smell an odourless gas it is probably carbon monoxide.
  • The moon is a planet just like Earth, only deader.
  • Momentum. What you give people when they are going away.
  • Nitrogen is not found in Ireland, because it is not found in a free state.
  • Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
  • Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
  • A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
  • The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
  • H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
  • Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
  • The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
  • The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
  • Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
  • Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
  • For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
  • For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
  • To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
  • To prevent contraception, use a condominium.

Arf arf.