The Wrong Trousers

Before my recent holiday I bought myself a pair of lightweight walking trousers. They were extremely baggy, had lots of pockets with zips and were exceedingly comfortable. The only problem was that they were about three sizes too big, but that was OK as long as I wore a belt.

I almost came unstuck while going through security at London Stansted on my way to Dublin. This was a week after the 7/7 bombings, so security was extra tight. I went through the X-ray machine and of course it went beep. It always, always does. I was instructed to remove belt and shoes and to have another go. I must have looked a bit suspicious, clutching at my belly to keep the trousers up, and was directed towards a chap who politely asked me if he could frisk me. I asked him if I could put my belt back on, otherwise I could only stick out one arm at a time. A bit fiddly, but they eventually let me continue on my way.

Returning from Dublin I made sure I wore trousers that could stay up without the aid of a belt, and when I got to the X-ray machine I put my shoes through it. I go through the arch, and it goes beep. It always, always does. I am directed to a frisky looking bloke and I adopt the scarecrow stance. He asks me where my shoes are, and thinks it's deeply suspicious that I put them through the machine without being asked to. Ah well, so much for trying to save a bit of time.