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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Fess Up Etisalat

Etisalat's Summer Slowdown seems to be with us once again. For the past week, possibly longer, their ADSL 'service' has been crawling along like a slow crawly thing. I've been scanning the papers for news of storms in the Indian Ocean causing not one, but two ships to sink and snap their subsea cables. To no avail.

Mind you, they probably wouldn't use that excuse again. No doubt their PR Officer/Tea Boy is scratching his head trying to come up with something more plausible - hence the delay in any kind of announcement / non-apology.

I know! 'It's the Atlanteans. Not dead, just resting. Recently awoken and roaming the sea-bed ripping up fibre-optic cables'.

Or: 'Underwater Tsunami Snaps Cables'.
Or: 'Alien Spacecraft Crashes Into Indian Ocean: Cables Snapped'.
Or: 'You Whingeing Expats Are All Going On Vacation: Why Should We Pay For Bandwidth That Won't Be Used?'

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11 Comments:

Blogger Herlock Sholmes said...

I had the same problem so this morning I called to complain. They gave me a new Proxy setting and now it works like a charm. Use the call center, they are great

3:51 pm  
Blogger samuraisam said...

There was actually a pretty major cable cut in California a week or two back, which pretty much severed internet communications in Australia… for 24 hours…

Want to see a contrast?

Look how long it takes to fix a cable in the US compared to dubai (though the cable was on ground from what I read. Even so, notice how there are 10 UPDATES IN THE SPACE OF 24 HOURS?

I don't think I need to remind you of Etisalat's cable cut and their useless nonsensical updates about it over 2 months or whatever it was...
My fair-few hours on the phone to them went something like this...

"blz try to resat ze modam."
That doesn’t work.

"blz try to reinstall ze modam."
That didn't work either because it was connected via ethernet you hapless morons.

"IT IS YOU ARE FALT! ETISALAT FINE."
...10 minutes pass...

"I am sory, the intarnetional link is kharban, the cabel undar teh see is make kharban, shib is became sinck and hit cable, make intarnet gooo kharban!!!11"

"the intarnet browsing is fine, only downlowding from ze bit tarrent is kharban, blaying gams online too.."
Lo and behold it takes twenty minutes to load a single damn website.

"only the intarnetionel website is kharban, only .ae websites work"
And exactly what would I want to access on a .ae domain?

”doesn’t matter, Etisalat’s obligation only covers your ability to access local websites.”
Well you should give me a refund

I spent 35 minutes on the phone to some technician, and eventually got him to agree that Etisalat was shafting everyone and we all deserved a refund.
Want a refund? Email somestupidaddress@emirates.net.ae; no thank you, I’m not going to waste my time.

As far as I’m concerned they still owe several thousand internet users the monthly bill they all paid for no service.

When is the cable going to be fixed?
”Tonight.”

24 hours pass…
When is the cable going to be fixed?
”I don’t know.”

When?
”in a weeks time.

When?
”in a months time.

argh. I’m getting heart palpitations just thinking about those morons.

3:52 pm  
Blogger Seabee said...

Mr Sholmes, this is Bloody Etisalat we're talking about.

Are you on the right thread when you said "Use the call center, they are great"??!!

I'm tearing my hair out here - it's normally slower than my old dial-up back in Oz a decade ago but today it's unbelievable.

5:37 pm  
Blogger CG said...

All my hair has gone....

I am in despair. I am thinking of cutting their cables myself.

9:54 pm  
Blogger Herlock Sholmes said...

SeaBee, trust me, use 800 6100 and select english language.

The agents are knowledgeable, they try to help. Also, I reset my proxy and the internet is back to normal.

I know it is hard to beleive considering Etisalat track record... But that call center is really very good

10:07 am  
Blogger samuraisam said...

Trust me, dial 8006500; because KFC and Pizza Hut know more about fixing the internet than Etisalat.

if you want stress relief listen for 30 seconds to the KFC jingle ("I like it spicey, it's very nicey"), that is too damn funny.

12:09 pm  
Blogger Dani said...

I've read that they are increasing their bandwidth around 7 gigs or something. Must be some tough work for them.

1:46 pm  
Anonymous blog400 said...

My complaint about Mr. Blogging British-Designer

To all readers:

This is not a tickle-your-ears, politically correct letter. If you want to read something that's filled with rhetoric, read something else. If you want the truth, then read this letter. Before I launch into my main topic, I want to make a few matters crystal-clear: (1) Failure to analyze the naive -- and what one can term only obscene -- underpinnings of Mr. Blogging British-Designer's wisecracks will pit people against each other, and (2) as a result of that, Mr. British-Designer clings to irrationalism like a drowning man clings to a life preserver. Now that you know where I stand on those issues, I can safely say that Mr. British-Designer's rank-and-file followers are tools. Like a hammer or an axe, they are not inherently evil or destructive. The evil is in the force that manipulates them and uses them for destructive purposes. That evil is Blogging British-Designer, who wants nothing less than to suborn vapid urban guerrillas to trivialize the issue. Make no mistake about it, our national media is controlled by high-handed, unbalanced cheapskates. That's why you probably haven't heard that this whole discussion has turned into a war of words between a few people. Of course, this sounds simple, but in reality, the real issue is simple: When it comes time to take a stand, he invariably dives for cover.

If we let Mr. British-Designer let us know exactly what our attitudes should be towards various types of people and behavior, then greed, corruption, and antinomianism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock-in-trade of the media and educational institutions.

It's precisely because Mr. British-Designer's ploys are the epitome of insensitivity that if Mr. British-Designer were to level filth and slime at everyone opposed to his smear tactics, social upheaval and violence would follow. It is therefore clear that Mr. British-Designer used twisted and self-contradictory logic to arrive at his conclusion that might makes right. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it. At a bare minimum, pride and solidarity prepare individuals to become partners in an alliance against witless unilateralism. Am I being too harsh for writing that? Maybe I am, but that's really the only way you can push a point through to Mr. British-Designer. It is never easy to judge what the most appropriate or effective response to Mr. British-Designer's disloyal pranks is, but one unfortunate fact remains clear: I've heard of inconsiderate things like plagiarism and racialism. But I've also heard of things like nonviolence, higher moralities, and treating all beings as ends in and of themselves -- ideas which Mr. British-Designer's ignorant, unthinking, intolerant brain is too small to understand. Mr. British-Designer motivates people to join his coalition of self-serving, petty pillocks and impolitic flimflammers by using words like "humanity", "compassion", and "unity". This is a great deception. What Mr. British-Designer really wants to do is sully a profession that's already held in low esteem. That's why Mr. British-Designer will probably throw another hissy fit if we don't let him befuddle the public and make sin seem like merely a sophisticated fashion. At least putting up with another Blogging British-Designer hissy fit is easier than convincing Mr. British-Designer's janissaries that Mr. British-Designer not only lies, but he brags about his lying to his apparatchiks. All in all, I realize that this letter has seemed incredibly bleak. However, expecting the worst from Mr. Blogging British-Designer means we will never be disappointed. If we're wrong and he does not try to deliver an additional blow to dignity and self-worth, we'll be relieved. If we're right and he does, we'll be prepared.

Generated without human thought, by computer, so one better than Etisalat. Check http://www.pakin.org/complaint

1:41 am  
Blogger Keefieboy said...

blog400: if you have a point to make, how about you write it yourself instead of having a bit of software generate a pile of irrelevant drivel?

7:39 am  
Anonymous blog400 said...

My point is that Etisalat's service is not only poor but mindless ...

11:36 am  
Blogger Keefieboy said...

blog400: maybe that was your point, but there's zilch in your first post to indicate that!

1:32 pm  

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