Sunday, June 05, 2005

Ear, What's Going On?

I have waxy earholes. Don't know why, but generally a good long soak in a hot bath with my lugholes underwater will cause the stuff to dribble out. For about the last week, though, this remedy has not been working. I visited my friendly local pharmacist yesterday for some eardrops. He's always happy to see me because he reckons I'm a mug who'll buy the most expensive stuff he has. And he might be right. Rather than buying eardrops at about Dhs 10, he made me buy a special spray at almost Dhs 40. 'It's magic!' he promised. Hmmm.

I get home with the stuff, and on inspection it seems that the principal ingredient is seawater. Damn, I can get that for free any time I want. I give it a go. I squirt it in, and it immediately runs out, staining my best white shirt with purest seawater. I realise that cotton wool is needed in this process, and give it another go, ramming cotton wool into the orifices this time. Some time later, BetterArf calls me. I can barely hear a word she's saying, until I realise that I have a sodden lump of cotton wool in my ear. I rip it out and then I can hear her.

Another ear story. When I got my wonderful PalmOne Treo 650 a few months ago, I also had to get a Bluetooth handsfree whatnot. It's really cool and makes me look like a cyborg. I only use it in the car, because your conversations are not exactly private when you are talking into this thing. A few days ago I had to whizz into the office to collect something, so I didn't bother removing it. When I got to my desk, I noticed that I had 35 missed calls. So I pick up the handset and place it to my ear, where it hits the Bluetooth gadget. Tony The Journo on a nearby desk sniggers. Hah. I meant to do that, really.

And on the subject of being a stupid git, last week I actually did something that I used to have nightmares about. I squirted shaving foam into my armpit instead of deodorant. Dang!